Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
