shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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