In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
