So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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