I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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