My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
