are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
