he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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