eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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