So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you had me at cake vodka
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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