Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
whose ass print is on the piano?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
