I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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