Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
