i love accidental penises.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
