woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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