my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize