Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
be right there i have to get my cape
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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