If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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