I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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