Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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