No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize