Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
