Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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