This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
