I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's blow job season.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
