We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
