they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
