Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
