I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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