so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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