I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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