Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
