Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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