so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
