dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
