I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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