Already got asked if we're dating
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
