So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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