How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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