i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
