then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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