you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
