It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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