so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can I color on your dick again?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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