I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
