True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
