you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
