My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
