hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
