note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
