im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
