saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
