Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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