shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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