Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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