he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
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Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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