I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
420 ftw
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
