How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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