he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I want her autograph on my taint
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
