I want to stick my p in your. b.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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