Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
