Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
