As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
