she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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