yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
