today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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