meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it glows. i had to have it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
