My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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