My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
As shirtless as possible
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
