You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
