Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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