dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
