Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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