Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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