i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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