that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
