Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
