Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
